One Sunday, I was attending mass with my family. I had recently fallen into temptation again, finding it so difficult to break my impure habits. Masturbation, porn addiction, lust… I knew they were going to be a cross I would bear for the rest of my life, but it discouraged me to think that I had such a deep desire for the good, true and beautiful, and yet I continued to desecrate God’s gifts of love and sexuality.
Then the priest read the Gospel of Mark. Jesus was on his way to the home of a synagogue leader, whose daughter had just died.
He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!’ (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around.
(Mark 5: 41-42)
I looked up at the Tabernacle, as those words rang in my ears.
I was that little girl. My soul died every single time I committed a mortal sin. A little piece of me was taken away. And I could feel myself drift into the abyss, where the devil could torment me with guilt and shame.
But God took me by the hand. He said to me talitha koum: Little Girl, Rise!
Even in the midst of my struggles with sin, He still calls me by name: He calls me His (Isaiah 43:1). And just like the adulterous woman, He does not condemn me for my sins, but looks on me with Merciful Love (John 8:11).
It is extremely hard to believe that God would still love someone who continues to fail in the area of purity. But this is the reality I live: I am a Catholic woman who suffers from the effects of porn and sexual sin, and God loves me wholly and entirely. No matter what I have done in the past, no matter whether I continue making mistakes, I am still God’s little girl.
But it is so hard to live out that truth about myself, because society bombards us with lies about the nature of love, relationships, sexuality, and even about womanhood. I struggled with porn addiction for 4 years. Although I have given up on porn for around 2 years, I am still affected by it. It has changed my perception about what it means to love, what it means to be loved, my role as a woman and my identity as a woman.
That is how Talitha Ministries was born.
Talitha Ministries’ Mission
Talitha Ministries is an online ministry I have founded in order to share my witness of purity, authenticity and healing to empower women struggling with lust, porn addiction, masturbation and sexual sin. I know that many more women around the world are struggling with these issues and, just like me in the past, had been silenced by shame. However, that silence and shame perpetuates sin. Living in shame caused more hurt in my soul, and made it much more difficult to recover from my addictions. I believe that by sharing stories about our own journeys of struggle we can get rid of the veil of shame which stops many women from seeking the support they need to recover from sexual addiction and brokenness.
If you are a woman struggling with masturbation, porn addiction or lust, know that there are many women, including me, who are also battling the same battle you are facing. But you don’t have to face it alone! Let’s create a community together where we can fight against porn, masturbation and lust. Let’s create a community together where we can grow into the women God created us to be. Let’s create a community together where we can support one another through our healing journeys.
And remember, even in this struggle, you are still God’s little girl.