3 ways porn distorts love

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I have heard different arguments about porn throughout my life, one of them being that watching porn helps you to become a better lover by learning how to “make love”. For years I believed that in order to love and be loved then I needed a level of sex experience. However, after several months of consuming porn, I realised that it wasn’t teaching me about love. It was distorting the true image of love.

 

1. Porn reduced love to just a feeling of sexual attraction

Pornography displays fantasies with the following message: that love is a feeling. If you feel attracted to someone, that is chemistry, and if you feel the chemistry it means it is love. But there is a difference between attraction and love. Love does not happen at first sight, but it is something that develops over time. Love is not a feeling you feel the first time you see someone. Love does not equate to sexual attraction.

We are living in a society that has been constantly proclaiming, “if it feels right, it IS right”. But what if after a while it does not feel right anymore? Does that mean it’s not right anymore? Does that mean love is no more? This is what happens when love is seen as a feeling of attraction. Love becomes nothing more than superficial.

 

2. Porn dictates that to be loved, sexual appeal is needed

I am not a very sexually attractive girl. So according to porn, I am not worthy of love because I don’t have a sexual appeal that is as satisfying as those girls from pornography. It may be because I am not as attractive. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have the experience. Nevertheless, the fact that I am not sexually attractive or knowledgeable about sex (as portrayed on porn) means I am not worthy of the love that is so glamorised in our sexualised culture.

Love is equated to the sexual satisfaction I give and receive. That is why porn is the greatest asset that will teach me how to do lovemaking ‘the right way’. But what if what I have to offer physically is not sexually satisfying for another after a while? What if he becomes bored of my body or my sexual performance?

 

3. Porn equates love to sex

Finally, what porn ultimately does to its viewer is to teach that love equals sex. The result: relationships become a means to an end, the end being the act sex. If you are attracted to someone, then you love him. If you love him, then you have sex with him. That is what the formula demonstrated in porn – even in movies, songs and TV shows that have let the porn culture sip into media.

But what if we take sex out of this formula? What else is there left to love without sex? This is such an important question to ask.

 

So many people nowadays believe that without sex there is no love. But, contrary to the belief being ingrained in our society, sex does NOT equal love, and vice versa.

Love is more than just a feeling. Love is more than just a sexual act.

Love is an action, whereby one seeks the good of the beloved.

 Just like St Paul said to the Corinthians:

“Love is patient, love is kind; it does not envy, it does not boast; it does not dishonour others; it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but it rejoices with the truth.” (1 Cor 13:4-7)

And what is the truth? The truth is that each and every single one of us: we are beautiful, we are worthy, we are loved because God loved us first. It doesn’t matter what we look like, whether we’re virgins or not, what background we have, whether we have made mistakes or committed sins.

2 thoughts on “3 ways porn distorts love

  1. Mosiah's Son says:

    Great perspectives here! I have had a porn problem for a long time. Though I have always known it was wrong and destructive I am just now starting to realize the effects it truly has had on me personally. Your three points are right in line with what I have been thinking recently.

    I think what has really done it for me this time is cold turkey swearing off sex, porn, and masturbation. You know what!? Even in just a couple of weeks I have noticed a change in my marriage and a healthier relationship with intimacy. A good relationshiop, a loving relationship does not have to and SHOULDN’T rely on sex. Sex is not the goal. A relationship can thrive without sex. Porn’s message is that sex is the focus. Sex is a side benefit and a celebration. If your relationships depends on it then something is wrong.

    Like

    • Rosario says:

      I agree with you! When you have porn in your life it actually does distort the way you view love in your own life, whether you like it or not, whether you are aware of it or not. I am so glad you have taken the path of healing love and pure sexuality! I pray that you may continue to persevere in strengthening your marriage 🙂

      Like

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