When you and your boyfriend have had impure pasts

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I was so guilty of this: I saw myself meeting a Catholic guy who was completely pure and we would be in a happy and chaste relationship for life…

Yeah, that didn’t happen…

As soon as I met my now boyfriend I knew God was bringing him into my life. It didn’t matter that he had an impure past, because I knew he was trying his best at a chaste and virtuous life. And I was trying to do the same.

Let me tell you though: it hasn’t been easy for the both of us.

When you and your boyfriend have had impure pasts it is bound to be more of a challenge. You face your past vices in this newly found relationship and a lot of times you will find yourself wondering why it was so much easier to be pure when you were single. That is what my boyfriend and I would ask our selves every single time we failed to be virtuous.

But that it was easier to be pure when we were single doesn’t mean that we are not meant for a relationship (unless God has a different vocation for you in mind). What it meant was that we would be facing our weakness head on together.

As we fall over we would pick ourselves back up. When one would get discouraged, the other would reassure the journey towards purity is worth it. You just practice, practice, practice until it becomes a lifetime habit. Yes, this is a long journey for us, but we are getting better and better each and every day.

Now, you may be asking, “how have you been able to keep going in this purity journey?” Well, there are 3 things we have followed to improve purity in our relationship:

Honest communication is key

We needed honest and clear communication to make purity happen. First of all we needed to communicate our boundaries: what made us feel tempted, the locations we should keep away from, even developing scripts to follow in case any tempting situation should arise (e.g. one of our scripts was that instead of parking and staying in the car, we would get out of the car straight away, no questions asked). But another important part of communication was that whenever we were impure we wouldn’t sugar-coat it: if we committed a sin it was a sin. By naming what we did wrong for what it was (a sin) then we would be owning our mistake and weakness, thus giving ourselves power to make the necessary changes to improve in that area.

 

Attend regular confession

We made confession a priority, especially when we failed, we would find the earliest confession we could find during the week to reconcile with God right away. But if we couldn’t get to confession as soon as we could, we would ensure that we would go to our regular confession. As long as we go to confession every single week, that is what matters, so we can say sorry for whatever wrongdoings we may have committed and receive God’s Merciful Love through the priest’s absolution.

 

Pray for purity every day as a couple

My boyfriend had this idea of praying for purity together at the end of every single day, whether after a date or over the phone. Each night we take turns to say a personal prayer of thanksgiving to God for the day He has given us, for blessing us with each other and a prayer of petition to become more loving towards each other and especially our family and friends. If we had been impure that day, we would say a prayer for forgiveness. Praying together for purity as a couple every single day has made a huge difference for our relationship’s spiritual wellbeing.

 

The two most important things to hold on to most of all are faith and hope. Faith in God, that He will give you the grace to better yourself. Hope that you will conquer your weakness. Struggling with impurity in your own relationship is hard and it may be discouraging at times, but never lose heart! As long as you persevere and trust in God’s guidance and Love, you will always find a way to tackle any difficulties you may face in life, even that of impurity.

Purity is always possible, even when you’ve had an impure past.

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