RD: 4 truths about my healing journey

I have had a woman approach Talitha Ministries, telling me how it is so easy for me to say that you can overcome your struggles with impurity when you are over that struggle. 

But you know what the truths of the matter are?

It took me about 4 years to truly take my healing journey seriously.

Once I knew I needed to change I took it on… but not without obstacles. These obstacles took me 4 whole years to tackle! 4 YEARS! And I am still on my healing journey. This is the thing about sexual addictions: they are almost like substance addictions because you love how you feel after you get a fix of that momentary pleasure. It took 4 years to get to know myself, to learn my own triggers, to strategize ways to overcome my addiction to porn and masturbation. And don’t get me started about the many mind shifts I had to go through to make lasting changes happen! From re-education about love and sexuality, to self-doubt and even helplessness: I had to really reboot my whole mind to make the lasting changes of which I am experiencing these wonderful results from today.

I still struggle with temptations every now and then.

No one realises this, but the thoughts of masturbating or watching porn are still in my mind. In the past I would agonise for having the temptations planted in my own head to the point that I would cry myself in misery. 4 years of getting to know my triggers and my personal needs have helped me to learn how to manage with these and safeguard myself from any relapse. When I get lonely, I sometimes get the temptation. When I start feeling stressed out, I sometimes get the temptation. When I feel “sexual tension”, I definitely get the temptation. But I have learned how to deal with those triggers and respond to them in healthier and God-centred ways.

Just because I overcame this struggle doesn’t mean I am completely perfect.

I may have overcome my struggles with porn and masturbation, but I am not a perfect human being. I have plenty of other weaknesses I struggle with daily! For one, I struggle to wake up before 9am. I find it hard to help my family do chores around the house! I have heated arguments with my loved ones every now and then. You know why? Because I am so imperfect! Of course, I do the best I can within my circumstances with the means at my disposal. But I can tell you with full honesty: my every day life is an imperfectly full mess, and I thank God that I have every new moment to try to do better every single day.

This is a cross that I will be carrying for the rest of my life.

I was able to overcome my struggle with porn and masturbation addiction while I was single. But you know that once I started dating again that my old demons came back to haunt me? That struggle didn’t come back in the form of porn and masturbation. It came back in the form of lust. My boyfriend and I came from very impure pasts, so it was definitely going to be very challenging to practice chastity when the both of us had our fair share of experience with sexual sin.

I have a huge weakness when it comes to impurity and sexual sin and it is a cross I will be carrying for the rest of my life! I will be living through this healing journey for the rest of my life!

I wish I could get on a rooftop and say through a loudspeaker: “I am just like you in the way that we are all human and bear weaknesses!”

We are all the same in our nature. The difference is that each and every one of us has a different looking healing journey because of the unique strengths and weaknesses we have. Our healing journeys are very unique to our own personality and our own relationship with God, so there is no reason for anyone to be comparing themselves to me, because I went through a struggle unique to my own journey, just like you are going through a struggle unique to your own journey.

Yes, our journeys are different, but our nature is the same. God created each and every one of us as humans out of love and for love. Because of this truth we are always in hope for a better life. You may be struggling with addiction; you may be going through anxiety or depression. You may be unsure of what path to take right now, or maybe you are at the brink of giving up on recovery.

I want you to remember this: in God’s eyes you are completely loved and worthy, and because of this you are always in hope for healing.

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